Yesterday Noah and I went to the dollar store so he could get gifts for Luc and Sam with his own money. He picked a book for Sam and a wand for Luci. We get home, and of course he cant wait, so we give them their gifts. Sam then tears his book apart (its a Christmas pop-up) and Noah gets upset. I say under my breath "That's what happens when we buy cheap toys made in China"
Well, this morning...low and behold, Lucis wand breaks. She is crying and Noah says "well, that's what happens to toys made in your vagina" shrugs his shoulders and walks out of the room.
Turn onto the highway here. (There was only ONE option where she could go.)
Here. Take a right here.
Which way? Where am I supposed to go?
HERE. TAKE A RIGHT HERE.
Where the F am I supposed to turn?
Oh my God. Take a right here. Onto the only highway we can get onto right now.
Here? Here? Which way?
My cousin would call every few minutes to let us know where we needed to be since they could not catch up to speedracer. By the way, we also had directions in the car with us. My mom printed them out JUST INCASE. We were doing alright for about 5 minutes and then aunt J decided to turn onto some other highway. Did my mom tell her to? No. Did my cousin call to tell us to? No. She just did. Before we left, J was telling us how Grapevine was at 1 o’clock to Fort Worth. Like, if you are looking at a map, it’s up to the right a bit. That is how she was planning on getting there. No map, no directions. I asked her is she knew how to get to “1 o’clock”, and she said no, but she would just head in that direction. Nevermind that there are a million and one different highways where we were. So, now we are on the wrong highway and my cousin calls to tell me that they did not turn there. No shit. My mom and I are trying to tell J to go back to the highway we were on and she, instead, pulls off to a gas station to buy a map. This is when I get a text saying that the other car is already at the hotel. J goes into the gas station, buys a map and gets back into the car. She hands the closed map to my mom and starts driving again making the decision to turn off again on the wrong highway.
My mom: Where are you going?
Aunt J: I don’t know.
MM: Why are you turning here? We need to get back to X highway.
AJ: (Flipping out) That’s neither here nor there, Shoulda, coulda,woulda. Where the F am I supposed to be now? That’s in the past! I don’t know nkjdsfdhfjd fjkdl ckj lakjhf ljfbk jlbvjk…………
Long story short(er), we ended up at the freaking airport. When we finally got to where we needed to be and there were signs specifically pointing to the hotel, she still ignored them. “Stay in the right lane” and she would merge to the left. “Turn left at light” and she would ask where she was supposed to go.
The ride back was a lot more quiet because no one was allowed to distract her. We made sure not to lose my aunt C, but the GPS decided to mess with us and take us a way that took twice as long.
What fun holiday family time.
The cards are mailed out the day after Thanksgiving-the “official” beginning of the Christmas season as far as I am concerned. If I am not home to do it, Kenny sends them out for me.
I am noticing that more and more people are trying to compete with me! I have already received TWO cards! I also got an email from someone saying they were trying to beat me but received my card the other day!
Fools-just quit trying. I am the champion of Christmas cards. Don’t mess with the best.
I would also like to wish everyone a safe and relaxing Thanksgiving! I am off to Dallas with my mom. Since Kenny works retail, he will be here working the weekend away. He will be spared a weekend with my family. My crazy, fantastic family.
A few quick things that I am thankful for:
My friends-without them, I would have gone crazy long ago
Mojitos and grape vodka
My family-without them life would be sane, but frankly, a lot more boring
The stupidity in this world that makes me laugh daily
Candy of any kind
The beautiful mountains I see every single day
It's Always Sunny reruns
Weekend getaways and trips to anywhere-but-here
Fisherman-more specifically, crab fishermen: dressed up in full on fishing gear
Well, I can check KNOTB concert off the list!
On Friday night, Kris and headed up to Broomfield to see them in concert. I was looking forward to it, but was not expecting much. I was excited, but not thrilled. Oh man, was I wrong.
I thought it was hilarious that their first time around, most of us, were between the ages of 8-15. Now, we are all in our 20’s and 30’s. I was pretty happy that I would not be hearing screeching girls the entire show. When I went to see N’Sync a while back, I was deaf for a week from the blood curdling screams of 12 year old girls. Completely mistaken. I am still half deaf, but it’s because of the sheer volume of the screaming/cheering. The boys could not even be heard over the screaming when everyone was full on! It was hilarious. Then they started to sing. Holy crap did it take me back. They were really great live! We had seats on the floor and during the show they came over to the middle of the floor and sang about 3 songs from a rotating platform. We were maybe 10 feet from them! They are a lot shorter than I thought they would be, but that’s beside the point.
I also thought it was hilarious that I had no clue how popular Donnie was. Back in the day, I was completely smitten with Joey, which makes sense. I was young and so was he. He was the youngest by far. Little did I know that the older girls were all about Donnie. When he started to sing for the first time, the cheers were just as loud as they were for Joe! The tone was obviously a lot different this time too. Being a lot older, the guys were quite pervy at times. Donnie totally took the cake. I am pretty sure no one minded though.
The seats were filled with about 95% girls and 5% guys. Those poor fellas. Couldn’t even compete with what was happening around them. Donnie even made a comment about how he felt sorry for them, he really did. But seeing as they were soooo nice to take their lady to the show, they were owed a little bit of love when they got home.
Kris and I had a great time. The seats were filled. The energy was awesome. It was a fantastic show!
The rest of the weekend was spent in Breckenridge for Kris’s birthday. We went shopping, hung out and had a delicious dinner. (Note: If you have never tried Three Olives Grape Vodka and sprite I suggest you do so IMMEDIATELY. It tasted like grape soda!)
I wish every weekend could be like this.
Kenny finally felt a bit better when I pointed out the other side of things. Alright, so these people supposedly have it all figured out. They have A., B., and C. BUT, do they get to do all these things that we do? Can they sleep in whenever they want and go on weekend getaways at the drop of a hat? And that's perfectly fine. That's their choice and they do have wonderful lives. But, I love our life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I guess she also sent it to Kenny and when I got home for lunch he said how he was trying to call the lady to go see him.
What? We are getting him? Really?
No. I just wanted to go see him. Kimberly sent me the application too.
So, you are going to see the adorable puppy with no intention of getting him. Are you going to fill out the application?
Yes and no. I just want to see how cute he is.
You can't do that. I can't do that! We will want him!
YOU can't do that. That's why you were not going to go with me.
Do we need another dog? Nope. Absolutely not. Do I want freaking adorable precious cute as a button Trout? Yes! Yes! Yes! So discussions about Trout lasted until Saturday afternoon, when the final decision was made (by Kenny) that we are not going to try to get him.
What a mean husband I have.
A few weeks ago.
I usually do not involve myself in anything political. I steer clear whenever possible. But, for some reason, I was really sucked into this election.
I voted for who I think will be the best President. I followed my gut. This is the first time I have ever voted for anything serious. I am very proud of myself.
Grown men playing dodgeball...someone is definitely going to get hurt and guess who my money is on.
I am ready for kids. Or, a kid. Whatever.
This is the last you will hear mention of it though. I will not:
1. Obsess about it and tell everyone that we are a) trying or b) practicing. Who says we are and, frankly, no one wants to hear that.
2. Point out every baby when we are in public and say how adorable they are and how I want one now, right now. This very second. Get me one. I.want.a.baby.
3. Just because I am ready for them still does not mean that I like yours. Kenny and I will still roll our eyes at your ill-behaved spawn. Since we don't have kids yet, this is still completely acceptable.
If/when it happens, it happens. I have just decided that I am ok with it now. It would be really great to have a kid or two and raise them with Kenny. They would have to be tough little cookies though because as many of you know, Kenny hurts kids. Not on purpose, it just happens. Anyone remember Cole and the matador? Poor kid. Never saw it coming.
I will leave you with this…
We also kept the “where” part a surprise until we got to the gate. I cannot tell you how many times I almost wrecked where we were going! This trip has been planned for months and things have happened, or we have seen things on tv, where I wanted to say, “Oh, we can go there when we are on our trip.” or “I can’t wait until we are in Seattle to do…..” I did it though! I kept it a secret until the last possible second!
For the record, I love everything about Seattle. I would move there tomorrow if I could.
I decided that on this trip, everything we did had to be accessible by foot, monorail, ferry, etc. So, we stayed right downtown at The Alexis. It is a beautiful hotel and was in the perfect location to get to everything with ease.
We arrived in Seattle on Thursday morning and went straight to The Underground Tour. I highly recommend this tour if you ever make it up that way. It is really interesting to think that 16 blocks of Seattle’s “ground floor” is actually really the second floor. It is also weird to think about what goes on in the other 13 blocks where the tour doesn’t venture. I can imagine there is some very sketchy stuff happening down there. The rest of the day we spent walking around town figuring out where things were and what else we could do. We met up with Marcus that night for dinner and went to the Crab Pot. The guys all did a boil and it was a ton of food! We finished the night with a (loooong) walk to The Cheesecake Factory for dessert.
Friday, we woke up and went to Pike Place Market. I love that place. Kris and I found some fantastic finds and Patrick and Kenny ended up buying a load of fish, lobster tails, and crab from the Pike Place Fish Market. I also found my second husband there. I don’t really believe in past lives, but I seriously have a very strong obsession with anything to do with lighthouses, fishing towns, fisherman (only hot ones of course), fishing boats, etc…..realistically, I cannot stand the ocean and I get sick standing on a docked boat. Kenny was nice enough to take a picture of my 2nd (wearing waders and sporting a beard). It was too funny. I miss him already. After the market, we made our way over to the aquarium. It is a bit older, but you can tell they are working on it. It was also a lot of fun and we got to see some adorable sea otters and an octopus eating 2 fish. They also had my favorite, the decorator crab, so that made me happy.
Saturday was an early morning. We took a ferry ride over to Bainbridge Island and walked around there for a while before grabbing some lunch right on the water. It is a gorgeous island and I was a little disappointed that we couldn’t see more. When we got back to Seattle, we stopped by the best crepe place in the world, and then took the monorail over to Seattle Center where we went to Empsfm and took a few pictures with the Space Needle. That night, we met up with Marcus again for dinner and some drinks.
This is the short story of everything we did. I know it’s pretty long, but we were out and about walking up and down huge hills the entire time we were there! We never had a bad meal, and I honestly enjoyed every second of my trip. I even got to see an old friend while there. He works right across the street for where we stayed!
I love Colorado and everything it has to offer, but Seattle has always been one of my favorite places ever. Who knows. Maybe someday I will be able to call it home.
We leave for our "Secret Anniversary Adventure" tomorrow morning. It is not a secret to me where we are going, only to Kenny. All he was told was to take October 16-19 off from work. I am really excited to go where are headed. I LOVE it there!
Kenny and I will be married 2 years next Tuesday. We've been together 9 though, so that's pretty good, right?
There is a woman who sits near me that I may or may not despise. Everything about her may or may not irritate, annoy, or disgust me.
She walked in yesterday morning and sat at her desk. I never acknowledge her or look her way. I pretty much act like she doesn't exist. Next thing I hear is, "Your hair looks different. Is that a wig?"
I look over and this woman that I do not think could possibly do anything else to make me like her less is sporting a wig! She then goes on to say this...
Oh, yeah. I don't like hats. I have never liked hats. So, when the weather gets colder I like to keep warm with different wigs. They keep my head really warm.
I would like to point out that I have nothing against wigs, normally. The one she wore was not even cute. It looked as greasy as her real hair and reminded me of a dead squirrel. So, I guess it's cute if you like to see people with dead, greasy animals on their heads.
Went to Denver to go out with Alanna, Brie and Lacey for my birthday (a month late)=Awesome
Got to hang out with Karl (Kenny's brother) who was in town for the weekend=Awesome
Little Danielle (Jeff and Jamie's spawn) turned two and had a fun little birthday party=Awesome
It was the first weekend that felt like fall=Awesome
The carpet guy came over, ripped carpet out, sectioned off the entire area with plastic and put really loud fans in there to dry everything out and the fans had to constantly be running all weekend and the house is disorganized because of everything we had to move out of the way and he wrote a quote totaling $5300 freaking dollars=NOT Awesome
A guy came out last night to snake the pipe. I had to throw away about a dozen towels we used to sop up feces-water. It was a great night.
So now, we have someone coming out today to rip everything up that was contaminated and he is going to replace it all.
I did not like when the guy next to me took off his afro wig and twirled it around over his head, flinging his sweat all over the side of my damn face. I did not like that one bit.
That may be the final time that last statement leaves my lips.
Above is a picture of the Super Diamonds. I've never been known to keep my opinions to myself so, I will just say it. Eeew. They are a Neil Diamond cover band. Please-go to their site and listen to a tune. Holypooponastick. I am not saying these boys are not nice or good people or not "talented" but I am saying that never in my life would I recommend them to others.
Who knows. Maybe I will be posting something on Monday about how amazing these fellas are and how everyone should see them at some point in their life. I doubt it, but you never know. If I do, make sure to ask me how drunk I was.
The only part of camping that I do not like is the "nature" part of it all. I mean, I like the outdoors and I love campfires and sleeping next to a river and all that. I do not like spiders, bees, bears, mountain lions, and whatever else can eat me, bite me, or sting me. This being said, whenever we go camping, I don't sleep. Like, at all. I lie awake the entire night waiting for a bear to rip through the tent and eat me, then Kenny, then the girls for dessert. Kris told me that she takes Tylenol PM when we go camping so she sleeps better. AWESOME. Why didn't I think of that? I went to Target the next day and bought some Simply Sleep. Friday night I was so excited to take it and to be able to sleep though the night. To sleep at all actually. Yeah. Right. Friday night was long and sleepless and I didn't fall asleep until the sun started to rise on Saturday morning. To add insult to injury, the girls refuse to sleep in their own sleeping bag-they totally have their own mini bag. Not 30 minutes after we went to bed, they decided they wanted to be with me, in mine. I have a mummy bag that fits me comfortably, aside form being a bit too short. Add two little dogs, and forget it. So, I stayed in my bag all night, not moving for fear of suffocating a dog, awake, and waiting for the sun to come up so I could catch some zzzz's. The part that pisses me off the most is that Kenny barely hits the pillow and he is out for the entire night.
Saturday, I said shag it and I was going to double up. It had to do something if I took twice the recommended amount. Nope. Nothing. F you Simply Sleep. Next time, maybe I will just take some shots of jager and hopefully pass out.
Weekend was fun, however 5 total hours of sleep over an entire weekend is not ok.
It doesn't matter if Kenny is buying shoes, peanut butter, or a motorcycle-he cannot make a decision! When we shop for shoes, he goes to one store, and we spend a good hour or two in there. He will try shoes on two or three times and still has cognitive dissonance when we leave. It may very well be the death of me. So, Kenny calls me at work and asks if I can meet him down there to look at the silver bike. He doesn't know if he wants the silver or black one. We had seen the black one here in town earlier in the week.
Silver or black.
I left work and drove 45 minutes to look at a color. Seriously.
This is a picture of the new bike, and I have to say the picture does it no justice. It is so much better in person! We both love it, and I am pretty sure if I allowed it, he would be sleeping next to it in the garage.
UPDATE: I sent one in and none of you will ever know which one it is.
My mom ordered the filet and Kenny had mussels, Italian sausage, and sea bass. Mmmmmm's were heard all around.
UPDATE: Clementine chewed a fucking hole in my blanket 4 days after I got it.
3/4 C melted butter
I am having a few people over for a birthday BBQ next Saturday. I was concerned about the utensils and everything that I needed to buy. You know, since I am all earthy now. My problems were solved when I found this site!
These plates are made from 100% sugar cane fiber (bagasse), a byproduct of the sugar refining process. (Supplies of this material are virtually unlimited worldwide. The use of bagasse products eliminates the dependence of traditional wood fiber-based materials in disposable tableware. Since bagasse is traditionally burned for disposal, the diversion of the fiber into the making of tableware prevents harmful air pollution.)
The potato-starch cutlery is sturdy, attractive, reusable, and suitable for hot foods up to 220° F. Because it's made from renewable resources (potato starch and vegetable oil), and because it's compostable, this makes a great replacement for standard plastic cutlery.These pieces will biodegrade within 180 days in a commercial composting facility.
To top it off, everything was reasonably priced-hooray! More money for birthday presents!
I think that, perhaps, I may be the lamest dreamer alive.
I have told people that I dreamt about them and they get that look like, "Well, was I any good?" I hate to be the bearer of bad news when telling them that we just ran some errands, hung out at my house, did laundry, or went to grab some coffee. Seriously, every single time I have a "hot guy" dream, nothing happens! I am totally getting screwed. Actually, I guess I'm not.
The other night I had a dream with Christian Bale. You want to know what steamy details I have?
I met up with him to get his ring cleaned.
I have always said that I do not like doing "touristy" things when I go on trips. After this past weekend, I need to change that statement to say that I do not like going on trips and doing "touristy" things during tourist season. Late August is a great time to go anywhere because school has just started and roads trips are mostly over for the year.
We left on Thursday morning bright and early to head out to Keystone, SD. We had to drive though WY to get there. I have nothing nice to say about that state. I'm not a scientist (or engineer or whoever figures this out) but I am am pretty sure we could power the entire nation with the wind in Wyoming. I should definitely check into that. Ridiculous. Wyoming was windy as crap and hot. The wind felt like a space heater blowing directly onto me. When we hit South Dakota, the wind slowed and the temperature dropped. Which is another thing. Everyone told us that SD is hot and humid this time of year. Not this past weekend-it was in the 70's and gorgeous. We totally lucked out. We got to our hotel in the early evening and just hung out the rest of the night. It had been a long day of riding.
Friday morning, we rode to Deadwood, Sturgis, and Rapid City. If anyone decides to visit South Dakota for any reason, I strongly advise staying in the Black Hills. They are beautiful. Reminded us of Colorado actually. Sturgis, we are pretty sure, only exists for the Rally. The rest of the year, the city is run down and full of empty buildings. It was pretty gross. Granted, Sturgis was only a few weeks ago, but it was a ghost town. Rapid City? Meh. Nothing great. Deadwood was so cute. We all liked it. The whole feel of the town was great. We caught lunch where Wild Bill was shot and then rode up to the cemetery where he is buried. They had a hot rod thing going on also, so there were a ton of cool cars everywhere.
Saturday we went to Jewel National Cave where we took a lantern tour. Basically, they take you in the cave, with just a lantern, to show you how it would have been experienced back in the day. It was really interesting. It lasted about 2 hours and we went up and down a ton of tiny, skinny stairs, crouched through some openings, and sucked our guts in to get through some narrow passageways. A lot of fun. On our way back we stopped at Crazy Horse. The size of the project is astounding. If you don't know anything about it, check it out here. If you are from Colorado, the whole idea and process of CH reminds me of Bishops Castle. A crazy family wanting nothing to do with the government building something "great and significant". Great and significant takes on a different meaning when talking about Bishops castle though. Crazy Horse was really amazing and really frustrating all at the same time. The face took 10 years to complete and it was done in 1997. That is still all that is completed. I don't think I will be here to see the finished product. Shame really. After we were done there, we went to Mount Rushmore. It was about 5 minutes from our hotel, which was cool. Here's a fun little fact. All of Mount Rushmore fits into the head of Crazy Horse.
Sunday, it was time to head home. It was pretty uneventful aside from the fact that all three of us got pulled over by the State Patrol and we missed 3 tornadoes by about 20 minutes.
I never realized how much the wind can take out of a person. I am completely exhausted from the trip. The Black Hills are amazingly beautiful and it was a memorable trip to say the very least. Photos to be added soon.
Our seats at Red Rocks
After the race, I had to get home, shower, get ready, and go back up to Red Rocks to see Jack Johnson. I didn’t get home until 12:30 this morning. Incase you forgot, I woke up at 3am! Well worth it though. It was a great day, broken bike and all. Definitely one for the books.
Body Shop: I was calling about the vehicle that you totaled.
Me: Ok? What can I do for you?
BS: So, you notes say it it a total loss...
BS: So? Is it a total then?
Me: Yep: That is what my note says.
When I go for walks, I always tap the tips of my fingers together on the beat that I am walking and usually to a song (in my head ofcourse).
I can only have the radio and tv volume on certain numbers. I am a fan of 5,7,10, 12, 15, 17, and 20 for the radio. Usually 15, 17, 21, 23, or 25 for the tv.
I can walk into any room in my house and I will know if something is missing or was moved 1/16 of an inch. It's like a messed up game of memory. Don't mess with me if you visit and move my stuff. It will ruin my day.
I cannot STAND the smell of maple syrup, but I could probably drink a gallon of it every single day of my life.
All my clothes in my closet are organized by category and color. Shirts, tank tops, jeans, etc...I even do it to Kenny' s closet. He could care less, but it makes me feel better.
It drives me crazy when Kenny doesn't hit the clear button on the microwave after he takes his food out. Like if he takes it out with 3 seconds to go and the next time I try to see the time it says 00:03.
It disgusts me when people pull on their skin. Like, when people hang cinderblocks from chains attached to their nipple rings or just pull down on their neck skin.
That's how I roll people. Leave me alone.
"We can go for a run?"
"Welllll...I would really like to just do nothing."
I got home and seriously passed out for close to 2 hours.
I am typing this blog from my Blackberry in bed because I am too lazy to go down to the computer.
I have no motivation to do anything. I think of things to do, but that's as far as I get. We have the Muddy Buddy next weekend and I have not done crap to prepare. I can't let kenny down this year either because last year I totally sucked it up.
I need to be motivated-I need a nice swift kick in the ass.
Glad to know I can raise 'em right.
K: What? Why? I just cleaned the floors.
L: She is coming over to hang out with the girls. What do the floors have to do with it?
K: She is going to mess them up. She's messy. (My mom has made me into the insanely anal person I am today. True, she is a lot more relaxed then she used to be, however.....)
L: How? How is she going to mess them up?
K: She just will. I just cleaned them.
L: I am so telling on you.
On a side note-our 2nd wedding anniversary is in October and I am planning a very fun trip! All Kenny knows is that we will be gone from October 16-19. Hooray!
The five of us had put our bags in a pile on the ground during Petty. We were all standing around them. They had our phones, cameras, and nice sunglasses in them. Pretty fragile cargo. This girl was trying to leave and walked right towards us. She was getting ready to step right on our bags…
Me: Oh, hey. Can you please walk right here? We have bags on the ground. (The way I asked her to go was like 10 inches to the left.)
Dumb Beotch: I'll walk where the F I want to walk.
She then started to walk onto our bags when Alanna and Brie shoved her back. The girl went flying back. There was a cute little mom behind her and I didn't want her to be squished (This beotch was a BIG girl) so I grabbed her arm to save her from falling.
Dumb Beotch: Why the F are you pushing me? Why the F are you pushing me?
Me: I caught you, you dumb B. Why would I hold onto your arm if I pushed you?
She turned to Alanna and started yelling at her asking her why she pushed her. One thing led to another and the girl was walking away and then turned around and spit on Alanna. It got on my cheek and hit the other girls too. OMG. That did not just happen. I have never been spit on in my life and don't understand why anyone would do that! Alanna grabs the girl and rips her shirt while throwing her to the ground. Right on top of our bags (and some saucy dumplings). The girl gets up, guys are holding her back from going after us, and the guy next to me steps in front of me to block her from me (aaaaw, so nice). She finally gave up and left.
Yikes. The whole time I was just thinking, "Ugh. I really do not want to get into a fight. I really like this dress."
Sunday was much more uneventful. We did not even try to sneak any booze in and no fights broke out. The weather was a lot more tolerable and, overall, it was just a more laid back day. We got to see:
Rodrigo Y Gabriela
Dave Matthews Band
I wanted to catch the Black Crowes, but we missed out. I am still uber disappointed about that. I also have a new found love for John Mayer. I have always thought he was an amazing artist, but never really liked him beyond that. What was I thinking? He was so great live and quite the looker! Never knew! I am pretty sure he has been working out or something. Who knows. Who cares. I love him.
If they make this festival an annual event, I am there. A ton of fun.
Friday night, we decided to go and buy some shooters to bring into the festival. Obviously, liquor was not allowed. This is where the genius happens. We had a few different boxes of snacks: Cheezits, Rice Crispy Treats, Etc. We opened the box of Cheezits, pulled the bag out, put 3 shooters on the bottom of the box, put the bag back in and then resealed the box. GENIUS. We had 3 more shooters and no more boxes, so I decided that I would roll one up in my towel. Lacey put the other 2 in her jacket pockets. She rolled up her jacket and put it in the backpack. Fast forward to Saturday morning. We get to the front of the line where they are checking bags. The women tells me to pull out my towel. Fine. I am holding it, still rolled up, while she looks through my stuff. Then she asks me to unroll my towel. Ccccccrrrrraaaaaaaaaap. Whatever. What else am I going to do? I unroll and my little bottle of Malibu goes rolling towards the gutter. She sees it and then puts her arm above her head and starts point and yelling, "This one tried to sneak in alcohol! This one right here." She was trying to humiliate me. Didn't work. Then she tells me to stand right there and she is going to call someone over. I said, "No, that's ok." and walked into the festival. Then, Lacey was getting her bag checked by the same stupid woman and she pulled her jacket out. One of the pockets was open and another shooter fell to the ground."This one right here! This is what I am talking about. Watch out for this!". This women was taking her job way to seriously. She thought she was this amazing booze catcher, but she didn’t even get half of it. Suck it lady. We win.
We made our way to the main stage and found a great spot. We put our blankets down ready to camp out. Over the course of the day we saw:
Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers
It was insanely hot outside and pretty much impossible to keep hydrated. I have never sweat so much in my entire life. I honestly do not understand how people could drink. It was the last thing on my mind. I also did not smoke anything, but am pretty sure I was high half the day. The entire place had a cloud of smoke lingering about the crowds. Every single band was great, not a bad one anywhere. There were a few lame people throughout the day, pushing their way closer to the stage. Nevermind that many of us had already been there for hours making sure we had a good spot to see Petty. They didn’t care. Tom came on around 9pm. He was amazing. We were enjoying the show when all of a sudden…..
Kenny: You are headed down to Denver?
Me: What? No, up to Denver. It is north of us.
Kenny: But, it's lower in elevation, so you are going down to Denver.
Me: That is a ridiculous way of thinking of things. Pretty much anywhere we go would be "down". (We are at about 6500 ft. here in C Springs)
Kenny: Right. Shouldn't be hard to remember then.
Me: (Rolling eyes) Whatever. I am going to Denver.
On Sunday morning this is the first thing I heard after I woke up. This is not what I meant by motivation. "Good morning. Quit being lazy. Let's ride to Kim and Brad's." Um…..Lazy is lying on the couch all day watching tv and eating pizza. Lazy is not waking up at 7:30 in the morning and barely having my eyes open. Then, on our bike ride, we had to go up the biggest hill in existence of the world. Ok, fine. Not the biggest hill in existence, but I hate hills. I hate them and we cannot avoid them. There are hills all around this stupid town. Big hills, little hills. They taunt me. We went up a small-ish hill and then around a corner. There it was-the stupid ginormous hill. I looked at it and told Kenny I was going home. I didn't want to do it. He glared at me and said, "Quit being a baby." I went up the damn hill, although I walked my bike up most of it.
When we got home, I had to clarify what I meant by motivation. Being a jerk and calling me a lazy baby is not the way to get me to do things. He said, "Well, it made you go up the hill, didn't it?"
They were all in the car driving one day. T (my friend) was in the back seat behind the passenger, the FIL*. Her husband was driving. They had just finished eating and her FIL had some food in his teeth. Let's first review the proper ways to handle this.
1. Wait until you get home and then brush.
2. Floss in the car (Kindof gross, but I have been known to do it).
3. Make that annoying sucky, slurpy sound while trying to suck the food out from between your teeth.
Her FIL unfortunately chose non of the above. He decided that, instead, he was going to take them out (he wears dentures) and LICK them clean. He sat there holding his chompers and licked all the food out. Are you gagging yet? My stomach just turned.
On another car trip in the same week, they had one of their daughters with them . She was sitting directly behind the lovely FIL. Her mom kept telling her to roll her window up. She had told her 5 or 6 times and was ignored every time. Well, FIL felt the need to hawk a loogey (I just gagged) and upon doing so it went out the front window and came right back into the back and onto the daughter. All she could do was sit there, frozen with disgust. This, children, is why you should listen to your parents. If you don't, you'll end up with a loogey on your shirt.
*FIL=Father-in-law, incase you couldn't figure it out.
Hello. May I speak to Darwin please?
This is him.
Hi. This is Lauren with AAA. (Then I said a bunch of other completely non-important stuff to let him know his vehicle is totaled.)
Can I tell you something first? You have a very sexy voice over the phone.
Um, Ok. I would just like to verify some information.
Mmmmm. Go ahead.
At this point I went through all his information and I could tell he was not even listening to what I was saying.
Can I ask you something off the record?
Ask whatever you would like, however this is being recorded.
Oh, nevermind. It was a reeeeeeaaaaaaaallllly good question.
Right. Well, would you like to think about your options and give me a call tomorrow?
I would love to. I can't wait to talk to you again. I am reeeeaaaalllly looking forward to it.
I need to shower.
Where are the days of me going to Denver during the week and coming home at 4:30am only to have to wake up at 5:30? I would be totally fine the entire day! Not sleepy in the slightest.
A few of their non-executed ideas:
1. Put confetti on top of the ceiling fan blades. When we turned them on-instant party!
2. Shave Hazel and glue the hair onto Clementine.
3. Saran wrap the toilets.
4.Cut labels off of cans in cupboard.
5. Sod your patio/garage. This actually would have been welcomed-sod is expensive!
6. Change the way the refrigerator door opens.
It is so on Brad(and Tad).....
As many of you know, I recently tied the knot. For the most part, it was a fabulous wedding/reception. I would just like to point out what, or should I say who, was not so fabulous.
1. Penelope=Penelzebub=Beelzebub=Satan I was REQUIRED to get a wedding coordinator at the church, no choice in the matter. They just randomly pick someone and I got Penalobe. She has got to be one of the most horrible people I have ever encountered in my entire life! Let me just share a few comments she made throughout our wedding experience:
A) (Speaking to Alanna) "It's a good thing you didn't have to hold the rings, otherwise you may have gotten some holy water on you." This comment was made after Alanna did not go up for communion after Penis-head TOLD her to because she was to "set an example".
B) (Speaking to me) "Is this part of the dysfunction?" She was talking about my family…..um…..
C) (Speaking to Monica) "Don't take these like you took my sunglasses." The Evil One lost her prescription sunglasses at the church and decided that one of us must have stolen them. She showed up to my reception and hunted down Monica asking where they were! She then told Monica she didn't trust her to call if she found the glasses, took her shoes off (then making the comment to Monica) and found my mom to tell her she needed to call as soon as she found them! My mom was like, "Yeah, whatever. Why are you here?"
D) (Speaking to me) The next day she called me while everyone was over to the house and said, "I cannot drive without my prescription sunglasses. Did you find them yet?" To which I replied, "Um…I'm kindof busy with the wedding and all right now. I'll give you a call if I find them. Do you think maybe YOU lost them?" Kronos answered with, "No. Someone took them. My husband has to drive me around because I cannot see without my prescription sunglasses. I have no way of getting around alone."
Seriously? Are you kidding me? Perhaps wearing her NORMAL glasses would help her to find her way!
She also did a few other things like put me in charge of my own rehearsal and make the groomsmen clean up after the wedding when they were supposed to be taking pictures…I'm pretty sure that all this was her job and that is what I was paying her to do, but what do I know? Apparently I was paying her to insult all my family and friends…..money well spent.
- Food Network said that is was ok to do if they were slightly dirty. SLIGHTLY. I don’t know that we have really ever scrubbed any of our racks. They were pretty nasty.
- Our oven is (was) brand stinkin’ new. Immaculate inside. Those days are gone. There is currently a layer of nastiness on the bottom of the oven now and he somehow managed to make burn marks on the top of the door. Oh, and the oven racks are bent from the weight of the other racks.
- The smell alone was enough to ruin my day.
I also heard that during the self clean process, there was a time when using the fire extinguisher was a definite possibility.
I wonder if I can sue the Food Network for a new oven? Oooh, or maybe I can get my own show? It would be some sort of show with a lot of traveling and involving desserts somehow. I would have to have a personal trainer traveling with me so I didn’t gain 1000 lbs from all the amazing treats I would consume...Sorry-I digress.
I am also not comforted by the fact that the words, “Don’t use the Dyson to vacuum out the oven.” had to leave my lips.
P.S. Will miss you already company! See? I told you there would be no Part II. You guys are so great and Henry is pretty much the cutest thing I have ever seen…he has our vote ;)
He opened our phone/internet/tv bill last night and it was a lot more than usual. He was on the phone for a good 30 minutes saying things like, “Well, that’s not my problem.” and “How about this. I am not going to pay that and you are going to be the one to figure it out with them.” It made perfect sense why the bill was more and Kenny fully understood. He just decided that he didn’t like it, not one bit. He actually laughed at the guy a few times. You know, that super condescending and patronizing laugh? Yeah, that one. When he got off the phone, we just looked at eachother and smirked.
“So, you want me to just pay the bill?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I’m just crabby and he was a good person to take it out on.”
“What? A Bitchin’? How is it spelled?”
Cracking up I say, “Oh, a Bee-shone”
We occasionally caught ourselves glaring at him, like we were thinking, “Grow up kid. Quit whining.”
I jokingly said, “Kenny, we cannot have kids until we can get a maid.” He agreed 100%. Seriously.
Even before Hayden left the house, Kenny started to clean EVERYTHING. He was wiping everything down, vacuuming, and dusting. Kenny does not clean unless bribed.
We have nothing in our house for kids. Nothing. No cute little plates or silverware. No toys. The poor child was playing with the dog toys half the time.
I was starting to think maybe I was ready to start a fam. Now I know......
Lisa, don’t worry. We really do love when kids visit the house. I swear!
Aunt Joanne: I am afraid my teeth are going to fall out. (She wears dentures)
Moi: (Chuckling) Seriously?
Aunt Joanne: Yes, and it’s not funny.
Moi: Well, it is a little. Maybe you will just have to keep your mouth shut all day. (She talks more than anyone I have ever met in my entire life)
Aunt Joanne: What if I scream?
Moi: Do it with your mouth shut. What about duct tape?
Aunt Joanne: (Silence)
Moi: We can poke holes in it so you can breathe better. No? Glue gun?
Aunt Joanne: (Silence)
Moi: Fine. Leave them at home if you are honestly that worried about them.
At that point she took them out to show me what she looked like sans chompers. I would like to take this time to apologize for not having cameras in my eyes so I could post what I saw.
I like my sleep. No, I love my sleep. It makes me very cranky when I miss out on sleep. I am not a nap person, I don’t need 10 hours a night, but when it’s time for bed, I can think of nothing else I would rather be doing. Plus, since we got our new bed, I am obsessed with sleeping more than ever.
I am sure that those of you with kids want to tell me to stick it, but I don’t have kids. These are the days to stockpile my sleeping hours. I know they will be few and far between if we ever decide to start a family. The stupid dogs are bad enough. The other night, Hazel decided she wanted to destroy the birds outside. We were sleeping with our window open and she was just running around the room going completely insane, listening to the hundreds of birds chirping. I was up at 3am that morning. I did not go back to bed. This was the beginning of "Who Needs Sleep 2008".
These past two weeks, for some reason, I cannot get to bed before midnight. I get up for work at 6am. I have learned that 6 hours is no good. I want 8. I have been dragging myself to work, barely awake, barely able to type, barely able to speak. I usually become coherent around noon. Thank God I do not operate heavy machinery. I would be a goner for sure.
I have to admit, that I totally have a thing for guys with longer hair. There is just something about it. However, I am very particular on what flowy locks get my approval. Guys that have had the same hair since 1994 do not qualify.
Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player tags other people and posts their name, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Here goes nothin'.
What was I doing 10 years ago?
Hmmm, 10 years ago I was almost done with my Junior year of high school. I probably had already checked out and was just going through the motions until summer break finally began. Beyond that, I remember nothing.
Five Snacks I Enjoy:
3. Cheese and crackers
Things I Would Do If I Were a Billionaire:
3. Take care of my family/friends (just one) forever
4. Have loads of fun
5. Build an eco-friendly house
Five Places I Have Lived:
1. New York
5. Dublin, Ireland (That one is just a wish)
Five People I Want to Get to Know Better (A nice way of saying “Tag. You’re it!”)
5. Scary Mommy
Hi. I’m Chloe and I’m 4.
Hello. I’m Lauren and I’m 26.
Yep. That’s old huh?
I remember when I was little and I used to think 30 was old. How times have changed.
There is one woman here, I swear to God, that has done or been involved with more messed up things than anyone I know. And I know some messed up people. It's fine. I am not judging her. But, the thing is, I am not her friend. I am barely an acquaintance and I know EVERYTHING about her.
There is also a group of people that sit behind me that "share" with each other throughout the day. I sit in awe, while pretending to listen to my iPod, listening to every word they say. Do they not see these conversations better fit for happy hour? Maybe they could dish their dirt at Starbucks one evening? Am I asking too much? I should say I used to just pretend to listen to my iPod. Now, I really do. I don't care what happened to them when they were little. I don't want to hear about how awesome it was when they cheated on their husband.
The only thing anyone knows about me here is that I am married and I actually like my husband. I do fun things with my weekends. We have been working on our house. That's it, and that's all they will ever know.
Every night when I leave this place, I think, wow-my life rocks. Everyone has their stories, their past, but my coworkers are some seriously F-ed up people.
Trips I made to ABC plumbing for random sprinkler parts=25,003
Times Kenny called me a F-ing retard=1
Leaks Kenny had to fix in the crawl space=3
Total number of hours our entire house smelled like poop because of the topsoil=48 and counting
Times I whined about helping=Way more than I should have
Total number of times I went into the crawl space=0 (I will not go in that place……scary)
Number of times I swept the kitchen floor=3 before realizing that it would keep getting messed up-just leave it
Times I want to redo a yard again in my lifetime=0
Number of mac-n-cheese snacks consumed from Sonic=6 (Have you tried them? They are FRIED mac-n-cheese and they are TO DIE FOR)
I love cheese, so if I'm given an opportunity to add it to my food, I'm all over it.
1 pound large red potatoes
3/4 cup coarsely grated Gruyere (about 3 ounces)
1 large egg
3/4 cup milk, heated just to boiling
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Butter a 1-quart gratin or shallow baking dish.
Bring a large saucepan of salted water to a boil. Peel potatoes and cut into thin slices (about 1/8-inch thick). Add potatoes to boiling water and cook approx. 4 minutes (a bit longer in high altitude). Drain potatoes well in a colander.
In gratin or baking dish, arrange potatoes, overlapping them, in 3 layers, sprinkling first 2 layers each with 1/4 cup Gruyere and salt and pepper, to taste.
In a small bowl whisk egg and add hot milk in a stream, stirring constantly. Season mixture with salt and pepper and pour evenly over potatoes. Sprinkle the potatoes with remaining 1/4 cup cheese and bake until top is golden and potatoes are tender, about 30 minutes
Many times, people tend to think I am a very proper person when we first meet. I don’t think I look very proper, but I guess it is a vibe I give off? The first time I drop an F-bomb, they look at me like, “Oh, isn’t that cute? The innocent girl just swore.” All those that know me, know that I use that word way more than I should. I know it can be tacky, but frankly, many times there is no better word. Fine, I’ll work on it…maybe.
Other times, people think that I am stuck up. This one is just based off of looks alone (I am not being conceited, that’s what I have been told.). I have had a bunch of people tell me that they were relieved when we met because they were not looking forward to it. They thought I would be super snobby and way stuck up. Again, I have my moments (for sure) but I would like to think, that they are just moments, not who I actually am. Could I be less caddy? Probably. Will it happen any time soon? Probably not.
A lot of times, people think I am loaded (money-wise, not alcohol-wise).
1. IF I was, do you think I would be working? Heck no! I am not one of those people that “likes” to work or thinks that it is something to do during the day. TRUST me, if I could not work, I would be all over it.
2. I got a pair of diamond studs (off of E-bay, for a penny. Yes, a PENNY) and I wear them every day and every day I get compliments on them and how beautiful they are. They are a carat each and look totally real. If someone flat out asked me if they were fake, I would totally tell them, but if they don’t, I keep my mouth shut. One day, 2 coworkers of mine were talking and one said to me, “Nice fake earrings.” The other guy jumped in and said, “Oh no. Lauren would never wear fake earrings. It’s not her style.” All the while I was just sitting there, smiling.
3. I do see how people can think this one though, although they are completely wrong. We are definitely fortunate, no complaints there. But, loaded? Not so much. I get peels once a month-from a friend. I get my hair done every 8 weeks-from a friend. My mom cuts it. You get the idea.
So, to sum it up. I am not as innocent as you may think. Far from it, actually. I am not proper. I am not rich. I am not stuck-up (most of the time). I do have a horrible sailor mouth. I wear fake diamonds and pretend they are real. I am a smart-ass, but mean no harm. I can be caddy from time to time. I like to have pretty hair and clear skin. Any questions?