Wiggle worm

Today Lennon turns 8 months old. She has become so much fun. I am not saying I hated when she was a tiny sack of potatoes, but I do have to say that I like this stage so much better. When they are developing their little personalities and figuring out how to do new things every day. It's great to watch. She has always been a strong, active baby. Ready to run since the day she was born. I walked into her room yesterday to get her up from her nap and saw this (above). The only problem is, she hasn't figured out how to get back down yet. Our other challenge is changing her diaper. Holy Lord. I have to pin her down with my left arm and try to change her before she wriggles out-and she does! Extra speed is needed when it's a poop diaper. My arms look fantastic, great muscle tone. Carrying around a 20 lb baby will do that to a girl, I guess. I just wish I could carry her with my ass. Tone that shiz up.

Mom brain is in full force

Wow. Sometimes I even amaze myself. My brain is no more. I heard this would happen, but I can't say I believed it really would. I have turned useless.

Three times now, THREE times, I have forgotten shoes. SHOES. Yeah, and it's winter. I could maybe excuse it if it was summer, but not winter. One time I was even in the car driving away. Completely ridiculous.

Kenny used to rely on me for important dates and events. Now, if it isn't written in the planner, I am not responsible nor does it even exist as far as I'm concerned.

This does not mean that when wanting to hang out with us, that Kenny should be your main contact. Bad idea. Keep me on speed dial for that one. As long as its written, it will happen.

I am going to have to find a different way to save the planet

I have learned that I hate cloth diapers. I love the thought of them, but actually using them sucks. When we were, Lennon would wake up every hour because she felt whatever masterpiece she created on her skin. It didn't even cross my mind that it was the diapers until one night we used disposable because all the diaper covers were dirty. She slept for hours at a time. Thinking maybe it was a fluke, we tried again the following night. Nope. The stupid-ass cloth diapers were keeping all of us awake. We were already on the fence with them, but this was a deal breaker. We have been using disposables ever since and they are so much better it's ridiculous. Blowouts have been reduced by 90% and sleep has been increased by a good 3-4 hours per night.

I still think that they are a great thing and some people really do love them. I think that they would work a lot better when she isn't so small and messy. We may go back to them. Probably not, but it's an option. I just want to keep an open mind not to upset Mother Earth. I tried, lady. I tried.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I have been horrible lately with posts, and I would like to apologize.

I'm sorry.

I would also like to wish everyone a safe and relaxing Thanksgiving! I am off to Dallas with my mom. Since Kenny works retail, he will be here working the weekend away. He will be spared a weekend with my family. My crazy, fantastic family.

A few quick things that I am thankful for:

Kenny
Maple anything
My friends-without them, I would have gone crazy long ago
Mojitos and grape vodka
My family-without them life would be sane, but frankly, a lot more boring
The stupidity in this world that makes me laugh daily
My doggies
Cheese bread
My home
Candy of any kind
The beautiful mountains I see every single day
It's Always Sunny reruns
Weekend getaways and trips to anywhere-but-here
Coffee
Fisherman-more specifically, crab fishermen: dressed up in full on fishing gear

I love our life

While chatting last night, Kenny mentioned how he gets mad at people who have their lives planned out. They have it all figured out. He is frustrated that he doesn't know what he wants half the time and he doesn't have everything planned. As everyone knows, I am a huge planner, but as far as life goes, I don’t really see how it can be mapped out. Sure, you can say, "I want to meet someone, date for 3-5 years, get married by 25, then have a kid by 27." Good luck with that! Everything can change in a matter of seconds. Your life can turn upside down in the blink of an eye. It's ok to have "goals" but I say, live life now! Have fun now! Do what you want to do now! Who knows what tomorrow brings. There are those who plan everything down to the month and if/when something happens to alter it, they have no idea what to do. Sure, I want certain things within a certain time frame-ish, but it's out of my hands to a certain extent.

Kenny finally felt a bit better when I pointed out the other side of things. Alright, so these people supposedly have it all figured out. They have A., B., and C. BUT, do they get to do all these things that we do? Can they sleep in whenever they want and go on weekend getaways at the drop of a hat? And that's perfectly fine. That's their choice and they do have wonderful lives. But, I love our life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

The time has come

I cannot believe I am about to say this. Brace yourself people. These words do not come easy for me.

I am ready for kids. Or, a kid. Whatever.

This is the last you will hear mention of it though. I will not:

1. Obsess about it and tell everyone that we are a) trying or b) practicing. Who says we are and, frankly, no one wants to hear that.

2. Point out every baby when we are in public and say how adorable they are and how I want one now, right now. This very second. Get me one. I.want.a.baby.

3. Just because I am ready for them still does not mean that I like yours. Kenny and I will still roll our eyes at your ill-behaved spawn. Since we don't have kids yet, this is still completely acceptable.

If/when it happens, it happens. I have just decided that I am ok with it now. It would be really great to have a kid or two and raise them with Kenny. They would have to be tough little cookies though because as many of you know, Kenny hurts kids. Not on purpose, it just happens. Anyone remember Cole and the matador? Poor kid. Never saw it coming.

Post Secret

Have you seen this site? I love it. I can imagine it would be therapeutic for people to send in their "secrets postcard" completely anonymous for the world (internet folk) to see. I may just send in one of my own...

UPDATE: I sent one in and none of you will ever know which one it is.

I love crazy people

I love this blog. It is one of my favorites. The lady is nuts and fantastic and hilarious. This particular one made me start to think of my own neuroses...here we go. These are just a few. Good Lord.

When I go for walks, I always tap the tips of my fingers together on the beat that I am walking and usually to a song (in my head ofcourse).

I can only have the radio and tv volume on certain numbers. I am a fan of 5,7,10, 12, 15, 17, and 20 for the radio. Usually 15, 17, 21, 23, or 25 for the tv.

I can walk into any room in my house and I will know if something is missing or was moved 1/16 of an inch. It's like a messed up game of memory. Don't mess with me if you visit and move my stuff. It will ruin my day.

I cannot STAND the smell of maple syrup, but I could probably drink a gallon of it every single day of my life.

All my clothes in my closet are organized by category and color. Shirts, tank tops, jeans, etc...I even do it to Kenny' s closet. He could care less, but it makes me feel better.

It drives me crazy when Kenny doesn't hit the clear button on the microwave after he takes his food out. Like if he takes it out with 3 seconds to go and the next time I try to see the time it says 00:03.

It disgusts me when people pull on their skin. Like, when people hang cinderblocks from chains attached to their nipple rings or just pull down on their neck skin.

That's how I roll people. Leave me alone.

Time for improvement s'il vous plait

It’s getting really hard for me to be positive. All I hear about all day, every day is GLOBAL WARMING and THE ECONOMY IS IN THE SHITTER. I know that regardless of what happens, Kenny and I can make though, but it really puts a damper on my day. I am making myself sick even typing about it now. On top of that, the people that I currently sit next to at work talk so negatively the entire day. We are all going to get canned. This place sucks. I hate it here. I get it! If it’s so bad, leave! It’s enough for me to read articles on rising gas prices, food costs going through the roof and record number of homeless on the streets. I don’t need to hear your unnecessary complaining on top of it. It honestly is getting difficult for me to find the positive in what is going on. I know, it always gets better, but I am tired of waiting. I have noticed the ways that it is affecting me and my well being and I don’t appreciate it. I do thank God that we are both still employed (at this time) and that we are very fortunate in general. I am just waiting for something to go wrong.

For Lisa

I wrote this right after our wedding in November of 2007. When Lisa was out here I was trying to tell her all about my horrific wedding planner, but could barely remember the details-repressed memories. Well Lisa, here you go. I actually remebered more than I thought!

As many of you know, I recently tied the knot. For the most part, it was a fabulous wedding/reception. I would just like to point out what, or should I say who, was not so fabulous.
1. Penelope=Penelzebub=Beelzebub=Satan I was REQUIRED to get a wedding coordinator at the church, no choice in the matter. They just randomly pick someone and I got Penalobe. She has got to be one of the most horrible people I have ever encountered in my entire life! Let me just share a few comments she made throughout our wedding experience:
A) (Speaking to Alanna) "It's a good thing you didn't have to hold the rings, otherwise you may have gotten some holy water on you." This comment was made after Alanna did not go up for communion after Penis-head TOLD her to because she was to "set an example".
B) (Speaking to me) "Is this part of the dysfunction?" She was talking about my family…..um…..
C) (Speaking to Monica) "Don't take these like you took my sunglasses." The Evil One lost her prescription sunglasses at the church and decided that one of us must have stolen them. She showed up to my reception and hunted down Monica asking where they were! She then told Monica she didn't trust her to call if she found the glasses, took her shoes off (then making the comment to Monica) and found my mom to tell her she needed to call as soon as she found them! My mom was like, "Yeah, whatever. Why are you here?"
D) (Speaking to me) The next day she called me while everyone was over to the house and said, "I cannot drive without my prescription sunglasses. Did you find them yet?" To which I replied, "Um…I'm kindof busy with the wedding and all right now. I'll give you a call if I find them. Do you think maybe YOU lost them?" Kronos answered with, "No. Someone took them. My husband has to drive me around because I cannot see without my prescription sunglasses. I have no way of getting around alone."
Seriously? Are you kidding me? Perhaps wearing her NORMAL glasses would help her to find her way!
She also did a few other things like put me in charge of my own rehearsal and make the groomsmen clean up after the wedding when they were supposed to be taking pictures…I'm pretty sure that all this was her job and that is what I was paying her to do, but what do I know? Apparently I was paying her to insult all my family and friends…..money well spent.

Thanks a lot Food Network

“You don’t need to tell her. I bet she wouldn’t even notice.” This is what was said 10 minutes before I walked through the door with a scrunched nose, instant headache and a scowl on my face already annoyed with Kenny. Thanks to Food Network, Kenny decided that it would be a grand idea to clean our smoker and grill racks in the oven on self clean. Three problems with that. Well, actually a million problems with that, but three that stick out.

1. Food Network said that is was ok to do if they were slightly dirty. SLIGHTLY. I don’t know that we have really ever scrubbed any of our racks. They were pretty nasty.
2. Our oven is (was) brand stinkin’ new. Immaculate inside. Those days are gone. There is currently a layer of nastiness on the bottom of the oven now and he somehow managed to make burn marks on the top of the door. Oh, and the oven racks are bent from the weight of the other racks.
3. The smell alone was enough to ruin my day.

I also heard that during the self clean process, there was a time when using the fire extinguisher was a definite possibility.

I wonder if I can sue the Food Network for a new oven? Oooh, or maybe I can get my own show? It would be some sort of show with a lot of traveling and involving desserts somehow. I would have to have a personal trainer traveling with me so I didn’t gain 1000 lbs from all the amazing treats I would consume...Sorry-I digress.

I am also not comforted by the fact that the words, “Don’t use the Dyson to vacuum out the oven.” had to leave my lips.

P.S. Will miss you already company! See? I told you there would be no Part II. You guys are so great and Henry is pretty much the cutest thing I have ever seen…he has our vote ;)

Honey, let’s wait another year or two

My cousin and her family were just here visiting from New York. They were here for about a week. Their son, Hayden, is 1 ½ and very cute. He is a great kid. I had to laugh though, because he showed Kenny and I that we are definitely not ready to pop one out any time soon.

We occasionally caught ourselves glaring at him, like we were thinking, “Grow up kid. Quit whining.”

I jokingly said, “Kenny, we cannot have kids until we can get a maid.” He agreed 100%. Seriously.

Even before Hayden left the house, Kenny started to clean EVERYTHING. He was wiping everything down, vacuuming, and dusting. Kenny does not clean unless bribed.

We have nothing in our house for kids. Nothing. No cute little plates or silverware. No toys. The poor child was playing with the dog toys half the time.

I was starting to think maybe I was ready to start a fam. Now I know......

Lisa, don’t worry. We really do love when kids visit the house. I swear!

Gums McGummerson

Aunt Joanne: I am really nervous about going rafting tomorrow.
Moi: Why?
Aunt Joanne: I am afraid my teeth are going to fall out. (She wears dentures)
Moi: (Chuckling) Seriously?
Aunt Joanne: Yes, and it’s not funny.
Moi: Well, it is a little. Maybe you will just have to keep your mouth shut all day. (She talks more than anyone I have ever met in my entire life)
Aunt Joanne: What if I scream?
Moi: Do it with your mouth shut. What about duct tape?
Aunt Joanne: (Silence)
Moi: We can poke holes in it so you can breathe better. No? Glue gun?
Aunt Joanne: (Silence)
Moi: Fine. Leave them at home if you are honestly that worried about them.

At that point she took them out to show me what she looked like sans chompers. I would like to take this time to apologize for not having cameras in my eyes so I could post what I saw.

Damnit Danielle

UGH-Nicole's sister apparently has nothing better to do. I've been tagged. Thanks a lot Danielle. If I don't do it, I am a party-pooper and if I do, I am just LAME. Well, look what option I chose. Damn you. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't read the rest of this post, really. And just for the record, I will not ever do this again. Got it?

The Rules:
Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player tags other people and posts their name, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Here goes nothin'.

What was I doing 10 years ago?
Hmmm, 10 years ago I was almost done with my Junior year of high school. I probably had already checked out and was just going through the motions until summer break finally began. Beyond that, I remember nothing.

Five Snacks I Enjoy:
1. Meringues
2. Grapefruit
3. Cheese and crackers
4. Popcorn
5. Pretzels

Things I Would Do If I Were a Billionaire:
1. Travel
2. Donate
3. Take care of my family/friends (just one) forever
4. Have loads of fun
5. Build an eco-friendly house

Five Places I Have Lived:
1. New York
2. Arizona
3. Texas
4. Colorado
5. Dublin, Ireland (That one is just a wish)

Five People I Want to Get to Know Better (A nice way of saying “Tag. You’re it!”)
1. Amanda
2. Patti
3. Bonnie
4. Mimi
5. Scary Mommy

Near and far

Sometimes I don't really think this is the life I am supposed to be living. I am truly grateful for everything that I have, but I just feel off. I want to help people, really help people. I want to travel. I want to drive around in an RV. I wanted to go to New Orleans after the hurricanes. I want to go to Africa and help out wherever I am needed. I want to buy one way tickets to places far away and just discover and explore with no sense or urgency on needing to get somewhere else. I want my life to be an adventure. I want to wake up and wonder what great things I will see and experience. I want every day to be full of surprises. I want to give myself, entirely, to a cause. I want to live my life to the fullest and have no regrets. I want people to be proud of me. I want to do it all with Kenny.