The time has come

I cannot believe I am about to say this. Brace yourself people. These words do not come easy for me.

I am ready for kids. Or, a kid. Whatever.

This is the last you will hear mention of it though. I will not:

1. Obsess about it and tell everyone that we are a) trying or b) practicing. Who says we are and, frankly, no one wants to hear that.

2. Point out every baby when we are in public and say how adorable they are and how I want one now, right now. This very second. Get me one. I.want.a.baby.

3. Just because I am ready for them still does not mean that I like yours. Kenny and I will still roll our eyes at your ill-behaved spawn. Since we don't have kids yet, this is still completely acceptable.

If/when it happens, it happens. I have just decided that I am ok with it now. It would be really great to have a kid or two and raise them with Kenny. They would have to be tough little cookies though because as many of you know, Kenny hurts kids. Not on purpose, it just happens. Anyone remember Cole and the matador? Poor kid. Never saw it coming.

One million dollars please

Kris was at our house over the weekend. One morning while we were eating breakfast, he asked if he could pay us to take Clementine and Hazel home with him. He said that they are the only dogs he really likes. He said that we did a good job training them and he would just like to take them because he knows they are good dogs. You never know what you'll get if you get a puppy. They could grow up and suck. I told him that he could have the for a million dollars a piece. He said nevermind.

Glad to know I can raise 'em right.

I am so telling on you.

My mom is coming over to the house after work tonight to hang out with the girls. Yes, she is my dog babysitter. I feel awful leaving them alone all night after I have been at work all day. Ok? Back off. I was talking to Kenny on the phone and told him that my mom would be over around 5.

K: What? Why? I just cleaned the floors.

L: She is coming over to hang out with the girls. What do the floors have to do with it?

K: She is going to mess them up. She's messy. (My mom has made me into the insanely anal person I am today. True, she is a lot more relaxed then she used to be, however.....)

L: How? How is she going to mess them up?

K: She just will. I just cleaned them.

L: I am so telling on you.

What is wrong with you?

Oh my God. What is the matter with people? I came across this today. Tell me Diva Thin Muffin doesn't sound perverted. I am in awe.

Their parents must have hated them

These are a few names I have come at work. What is wrong with people?

Lemonjello and Orangejello: Pronounced Lem-ON-jillo and OR-on-jillo. Yes, Orange Jello and Lemon Jello.

Shithead: Pronounced Shi-theed

Flagina

Phat Ho

Minny Mouse